Why, why, why, do the Mavericks keep losing? Where was my team from last season? Why did they lose to Detroit? Why was Michael Finley only shooting 2-10? Who on earth decided it would be a good idea to let Antoine Walker take 5 3 point shots in one game (it goes without saying that he missed them all). WHY WON’T THEY GIVE THE BALL TO DIRK MORE?!!!!

In order to distract myself I’m going to blog about hockey. I think that in all of sports, hockey players have the best names. I can see why Todd McFarlane (who designed the Edmonton Oilers third jersey) turned to the rich world of hockey when coming up for a name for a character in Spawn, Tony Twist.

Here are my favorite hockey player names, in no particular order:

Kimmo Timonen, say it soft and its almost like praying! No, I have fond memories of this name because of all the magic marker fumes I inhaled while making a “Go Kimmo Go!” banner to take with me to the Russia vs Finland game in the Winter Olympics.

Radek Bonk, what a great last name.

Todd Bertuzzi, I think once on NHL tonight they had a scary Elvis impersonator singing a song about Bertuzzi. I really hope they did, because otherwise I have no reason for thinking about Elvis whenever I think about Bertuzzi, which I must say is not very often at all.

Keith Tkachuk, because Tkachuk sounds like something hitting something else.

Teemu Selanne, another great Finnish name, go Avs!

Miroslav Satan, I know his name isn’t pronounced like the devil, but “Satan” is just a cool name to have on back of your jersey.

Here’s an ESPN Page 2 list of hockey player nicknames.